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Sunday, September 25, 2022

Kikuyu Women Can’t Stop Sleeping in Tracksuits

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Kikuyu Women Can’t Stop Sleeping in Tracksuits and T-shirts Inscribed ‘Seng’enge ni Ng’ombe’ in central kenya.

This is happening as their men drown in alcohol and use of contraband drinks like changaa.

Waithera, not her real name claims that her husband is an alcoholic, lazy, harsh and uncaring towards her and the children.

This is just one of the many messages that we at This Is Laikipia typically get from kikuyu women seeking psychological support.

Studies indicate that there are a variety of reasons why men become alcoholics particularly in central Kenya.

Some of the factors include: peer pressure, social interactions, escapism, low self-esteem and many others.

It is suggested that addictions such as alcoholism are essentially behavioral.

Most human behavior is a learned trait. Another fascinating thing to remember is that much of our actions derives from our emotions and values.

Alcoholism is devouring many relationships, leaving couples in entanglements and disengagements. The advent of corona makes the situation even worse.

Harsh economic times are breaking ties that were once cemented by love.

Central Kenya women are going through the worst particularly from dealing with their spouses.

These Kikuyu ladies bear much physical and emotional weight and suffering. Kids don’t really have fathers because of their absenteeism.

Dressed Like A Mechanic

Apart from alcoholism, we’ve put in place some other important stuff that make our beautiful ladies from central Kenya go to bed dressed as quarry workers.

So what would prompt your kikuyu wife or girlfriend to sleep in six layers of clothes ?Is it not worthy seeking for a solution? You see, your wife has turned herself into a pile of mutumba clothes, all in the name of the ”cold weather”.

Do you still believe her when she says that she does not want to freeze in her sleep?

You and I know that it isn’t easy to undress a woman in the heat of passion. Indeed the bra is the trickiest.

So, imagine that when you’re burning with desire, you’ll be asked to remove between four and six pieces of clothing before you get anywhere near the center of gravity. Is that fair?

I know that you know your rights. So, would you please listen to why your wife is stacked in layers of strange clothes.

The following reasons try to explain why?

Bad Breathe

Consumption of all manner of things especially alcohol tends to have an effect on your mouth’s breathe.

Most men from central are known to love mutura ,mbaki ,muratina and frothy alcoholic drinks.

Others take it a step further by chewing tobacco products like ‘mbakî’, ‘kîraikû’, ‘njiri’ or ‘mbani’.

Please ensure you brush your teeth before you join your missus, concubine, girlfriend or ‘contraband’ in bed.

If you choose not to, do not complain.

Get ready to meet her in bed dressed like a mechanic;in overalls or in T-shirts inscribed “Segenge ni Ng’ombe; Kazi Iendelee; or Tano Tena!”

Pot Bellies alias Kitambi

It is uncomfortable for a man to walk around with a stomach that is shooting out while there are people who genuinely can’t afford a single meal in a day.

This problem of central men seeing pot bellies as a representation of wealth has killed a lot of women in silence and prematurely.

How would you tell that the years of accumulation of dirt and waste that should be excreted everyday and discarded in your stomach is a sign of good living and wealth?

If you are in a party that comforts itself with fabs such as “urefu ni Mungu hupeana lakini upana mtu hujitafutia,” the girls say that you must refrain from escorting them to an antenatal clinic.

Listen, men, if your waistline stops you from breathing naturally, ascending the stairs, wearing your trendy designer suit / pants comfortably, and sexually pleasing your madam when she wants, you ‘re sick.

Central Kenya Women are faced with this dilemma of putting up with a husband / partner with a pot belly.

But they remain silent because every woman you see wants to pretend her marriage is fine.

They cry every night and show it in full gear dressed like a commando.

Slay queens

According to confessions by some women, their husbands visit these slay queens regularly.

These creatures hutafuna hadi mifupa and finally, they end up breaking relationships.

If you are married, but in a nauseous habit, to engage in illicit affairs with daughters of Jezebel, please resist the temptation to escort your contraband to her neighborhood.

You should never be seen together in private or in public. Treat her like bhang or narcotics.

It is wise to avoid familiarity with toughies (slay kings) in rough neighborhoods.

Please consider the public image and esteem of your kikuyu woman and children just in case the toughies decide to turn you into termite feed for hunting in their territory.

Cleanliness

If you’ve managed to persuade or confuse someone’s daughter to abandon the security of her parents ‘ home and join you in your suffering, you shouldn’t have a problem persuading yourself to have a decent relationship with soap and water on a daily basis.

Most of those girls in the mountains have been suffering in silence and have asked me to highlight this point especially to our brothers in the south-west and north-eastern slopes of Kîrîma kîrî Nyaaga.

Safari Boots

Safari boots and sneakers like Northern Star, Puma, Adidas to mention but a few are durable and cost effective.

As much as you may like them, please avoid wearing them with suits and ties.

Our good kikuyu women think that doing so makes you look very 19th Century.

Finally, when and if you are in the habit of traveling to the village with your family, please stop parking your car outside the nearest village bar or marketplace before you reach home.

The girls do not like it. They are not trophies and are not keen to shake hands with every village drunk you were in primary school with.

Finally

So we have a massive task to inform our friends, that the bedroom is not a quarry (m’godi) where you have to wear protective clothing.

You see, women who go to bed completely dressed refuse their husbands marital rights, rendering them miserable at work.

A starving man is an angry man, they claim. If people want to live happily, I think that ‘building bridges initiative (BBI)’ should always start in bed.

Unfulfilled Lives

If you look around, you’ll see people gossiping a lot and hating each other because they’re unfulfilled with their lives. I’m in a whats app group where this is clearly illustrated.

People who lack simple things, such as sex, are angry people.

This part of the rage begins at the level of the family. If a man leaves a house dissatisfied, he can not represent his country well. He may not be a good manager.

So, let me advise all central Kenya men in this country against neglecting their wives, because women are the unifying force in the family.

Sleeping commando not only spices up your married life, but also has health benefits, say some idle health experts.

Real Men

You see, a man who’s good in bed doesn’t mind the amount of layers between him and his better half.

True men will tear 20 layers of clothes apart in seconds to get there. But there are some guys, like you from central who will still complain because less or more, saucy or sexy will turn you on.

So the problem here is not clothes, but you. You ‘re not enough to be a guy.

You need to get up to the mark!

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